Tag: divorce pain

Divorce, Newton’s Third Law, and the Tipping Point of Letting Go

Posted on by Steve

Divorce is often described as a battle—of emotions, of legalities, of identity. It’s a fight to hold on to something slipping away. But what if the real breakthrough isn’t in the fight, but in the letting go?

Physics teaches us something profound about this process.

Newton’s Third Law of Motion: The Resistance Within

Newton’s Third Law of Motion states:
“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

We see this in life, in relationships, in divorce.

  • The more we cling to the past, the stronger the pain of losing it.
  • The harder we resist reality, the more exhausting it becomes.
  • The more we fight against what is, the deeper we sink into suffering.

Divorce, at its core, is an emotional tug-of-war—a relentless push and pull between what was, what is, and what could be.

But this tension can’t last forever.

The Tipping Point: When Holding On Becomes More Painful Than Letting Go

In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell explains that change happens when small, consistent shifts accumulate until a critical mass is reached—and suddenly, everything is different.

This happens in divorce, too.

At first, every moment feels like a struggle:

  • The memories flood in, pulling you back.
  • The anger keeps the past alive, fueling the need for justice.
  • The fear of the unknown keeps you from moving forward.

But then, something shifts.

One day, holding on hurts more than letting go.

One conversation, one quiet realization, one deep breath—and you tip into acceptance. Not because you “give up,” but because you’re ready to be free.

What Causes the Shift?

It’s different for everyone. Sometimes it happens in a single moment; sometimes it builds over time. It might be:

  • Realizing that no amount of blame changes the past.
  • Waking up one morning and feeling exhausted by the same cycle of emotions.
  • Accepting that your ex is not responsible for your healing—only you are.
  • Seeing that the person you were fighting to hold onto isn’t the person you need anymore.

When this realization lands, it creates a ripple effect.

  • You stop pushing against reality and start moving with it.
  • You stop resisting emotions and start letting them flow through.
  • You stop replaying the past and start envisioning a new future.

Letting Go: The Freedom of Equal and Opposite Reactions

Here’s the irony: the moment we release our grip, life meets us with an equal and opposite reaction.

  • When we stop demanding closure, peace finds us.
  • When we stop seeking validation, we feel whole on our own.
  • When we stop fearing the future, opportunities unfold.

Newton’s Third Law isn’t just about physics—it’s about life’s balance. The force we exert—whether in resistance or in release—always meets an equal force in return. The question is: What kind of force are you putting out?

Final Thought: Where Are You in This Process?

Are you still fighting? Still holding on? Or have you reached your tipping point?

If you’re in the struggle, know this: every small step toward acceptance is building momentum. Keep going.

And if you’ve tipped—if you’ve felt the shift—then you already know: the freedom was always waiting on the other side.

Let go. Let life meet you where you are.  If you need guidance on how to let go, please schedule a free consultation.

Building Emotional Immunity: Understanding Pain as a Teacher

Posted on by Steve

In the realm of emotional wellness, pain often serves as a powerful teacher, guiding us toward deeper understanding and growth. Just as a cold manifests with symptoms like a runny nose or fever, emotional distress can present itself through various manifestations such as sleep deprivation, headaches, or digestive issues, especially in challenging situations like divorce. However, much like treating the symptoms of a cold without addressing its root cause, merely alleviating these emotional symptoms without delving into their origins can lead to temporary relief but not lasting healing.

When faced with emotional pain, the common response is often to seek quick fixes to alleviate discomfort. Society has normalized certain coping mechanisms like Xanax, alcohol, or distractions such as shopping or indulging in pornography. These methods offer momentary reprieve by numbing the symptoms but fail to address the underlying cause or help with understanding pain. Moreover, they don’t equip individuals with the resilience needed to navigate future challenges.

Renowned poet Rumi once said, “The answer to the pain is in the pain.” This profound statement invites us to explore the depths of our suffering, recognizing it as a gateway to self-discovery and healing. However, this requires courage and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about ourselves.

Anecdotal experiences often serve as poignant examples of this journey towards understanding and healing. For instance, one individual may realize that their relentless pursuit of approval stems from unresolved childhood issues, such as seeking validation from a parent. Another might discover that their fear of vulnerability and avoidance of difficult conversations have led to a disempowered existence.

Crucially, these revelations often transcend surface-level blame or external circumstances. While it may be easy to attribute emotional pain to external factors like a divorce or a strained relationship, true healing begins when we acknowledge our role in perpetuating our suffering.

Creating a personalized treatment plan tailored to address the root causes of emotional pain is essential for sustainable healing and understanding pain. This involves introspection, therapy, and perhaps forgiveness—whether it’s forgiving oneself or others. It requires a shift from short-term coping mechanisms towards long-term strategies aimed at holistic well-being.

Ultimately, building immunity to emotional pain involves embracing discomfort as an opportunity for growth and self-awareness. By unraveling the layers of our suffering, we uncover profound insights that empower us to lead more authentic, fulfilling lives. So, instead of merely masking the symptoms, let’s embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing—one that offers lasting  transformation through understanding pain.