Tag: divorce transition

Divorce, Newton’s Third Law, and the Tipping Point of Letting Go

Posted on by Steve

Divorce is often described as a battle—of emotions, of legalities, of identity. It’s a fight to hold on to something slipping away. But what if the real breakthrough isn’t in the fight, but in the letting go?

Physics teaches us something profound about this process.

Newton’s Third Law of Motion: The Resistance Within

Newton’s Third Law of Motion states:
“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

We see this in life, in relationships, in divorce.

  • The more we cling to the past, the stronger the pain of losing it.
  • The harder we resist reality, the more exhausting it becomes.
  • The more we fight against what is, the deeper we sink into suffering.

Divorce, at its core, is an emotional tug-of-war—a relentless push and pull between what was, what is, and what could be.

But this tension can’t last forever.

The Tipping Point: When Holding On Becomes More Painful Than Letting Go

In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell explains that change happens when small, consistent shifts accumulate until a critical mass is reached—and suddenly, everything is different.

This happens in divorce, too.

At first, every moment feels like a struggle:

  • The memories flood in, pulling you back.
  • The anger keeps the past alive, fueling the need for justice.
  • The fear of the unknown keeps you from moving forward.

But then, something shifts.

One day, holding on hurts more than letting go.

One conversation, one quiet realization, one deep breath—and you tip into acceptance. Not because you “give up,” but because you’re ready to be free.

What Causes the Shift?

It’s different for everyone. Sometimes it happens in a single moment; sometimes it builds over time. It might be:

  • Realizing that no amount of blame changes the past.
  • Waking up one morning and feeling exhausted by the same cycle of emotions.
  • Accepting that your ex is not responsible for your healing—only you are.
  • Seeing that the person you were fighting to hold onto isn’t the person you need anymore.

When this realization lands, it creates a ripple effect.

  • You stop pushing against reality and start moving with it.
  • You stop resisting emotions and start letting them flow through.
  • You stop replaying the past and start envisioning a new future.

Letting Go: The Freedom of Equal and Opposite Reactions

Here’s the irony: the moment we release our grip, life meets us with an equal and opposite reaction.

  • When we stop demanding closure, peace finds us.
  • When we stop seeking validation, we feel whole on our own.
  • When we stop fearing the future, opportunities unfold.

Newton’s Third Law isn’t just about physics—it’s about life’s balance. The force we exert—whether in resistance or in release—always meets an equal force in return. The question is: What kind of force are you putting out?

Final Thought: Where Are You in This Process?

Are you still fighting? Still holding on? Or have you reached your tipping point?

If you’re in the struggle, know this: every small step toward acceptance is building momentum. Keep going.

And if you’ve tipped—if you’ve felt the shift—then you already know: the freedom was always waiting on the other side.

Let go. Let life meet you where you are.  If you need guidance on how to let go, please schedule a free consultation.

The Importance of Comprehensive Divorce Planning

Posted on by Steve

A divorcee wants to know that things are going to turn out well.  They want to have faith in a bright future for themselves, their children, and even their ex-spouse. Though this is a future vision, the feelings as they move through the initial stages of divorce transition brings forth many challenges as they relate to their physical and mental wellbeing, their ability to navigate complex emotions, their changing family and parenting dynamics, and their settlement decisions around custody, dividing marital property, making a housing transition, and even determine the implications of child and/or spousal support. These complexities highlight the importance of comprehensive divorce planning.

If you think of other large-scale transitions, such as retirement, job change, starting a business, etc., a common theme is proper planning ahead of time because the risk of going into these transitions blind is too great.  However, with a divorce transition there often isn’t a sufficient lead time to adequately plan, and there are many other things to navigate than with the other more familiar transitions.  Couple this with divorce being the only transition requiring a court’s approval, the importance of developing an actionable divorce plan is paramount.

So, why do divorcees skip or even think of divorce planning?  The first major reason is timing.  Unlike a retirement, job change, and other transitions, divorce is not a transition we typically look forward to and with that comes a disincentive to plan.

Second, the professional we turn to guide the divorce proceedings, which is typically an attorney, has a drastically different role than professionals guiding other transitions.   A financial planner or a career coach are governed to a less effect than an attorney is governed.  An attorney’s first allegiance is to the rule of law and when they are hired in a divorce case, they typically are hired to represent a client in a civil lawsuit, following established civil procedure that insn’t conducive to holistic divorce transition.  An attorney’s scope will stay in the confines of the decisions to be made in court and will not extend to other factors impacting the divorce, such as emotions, self-care, parental adjustments, etc.

The third reason is divorcing procedures pull the client’s attention to those areas, financial and family, that need to be decided in order to gain a court’s approval to dissolve the marriage.  As the process moves forward, the divorcee is faced with a seemingly insurmountable list of to-dos that directs their attention from other important parts of the divorce. The extensive “data gathering and discovery” to-do list happens in all forms of divorce – litigation, mediation, and DIY (or pro-se) – because the same information needs to filter up to the court for review.

The last major reason for overlooking divorce planning is a lack of energy. Divorce stress can be intense as one grieves the loss of their family and dreams, while holding onto negative emotions like, anger, guilt, resentment, blame, shame, fear…The concoction brews high stress, which can disrupt sleep, personal care, and energy, and can increase bouts of rumination around both past events and future unknowns.  It’s easy to see why one would not have the energy to plan.  The paradox however, is navigating divorce with no plan, tools, or strategies further impacts energy and dilutes making key decisions with clarity and assurance.

The Primary Culprit

The primary contributor to mistakes and avoidable costs to time, energy, money, and health is jumping into divorce blind.  Court trials, let alone divorce, are unfamiliar territory. When you jump in without a plan you are giving up control.

So, what does a comprehensive divorce plan look like? Divorce is unique to each situation there are common themes that can be addressed so you can have faith in the brighter future you hold in your heart.

Internal Divorce Planning Components

Fitness

Divorce brings some level of health effects, whether it is sleep deprivation, physical ailments, digestion issues, anxiety, diet and weight fluctuations, hyper-tension, or some other physical effect. There needs to be a plan to explore these effects and develop implementable “cheats”, routines, and self-care strategies to improve the overall physiology.

Fervor

As we break the sacred vows and separate from the dreams we carried for our family, we become face-to-face with complex and unfamiliar emotions, and even super intense emotions. Without a plan it is easy to fight, run from, or mask the emotions with various vices.  The fervor portion of the plan creates a safe and healthy framework to face the emotions, look at them with curiosity, and explore the things we are meant to learn.  The emotions are here for a reason.  Break throughs often happen when the reason is discovered.

External Divorce Planning Components

Family

Different perspectives around custody often brings contentiousness.  Rarely, are the child’s perspectives brought into the scenario.  There needs to be a plan to communicate and compare underlying interests supporting custody perspectives. As you navigate custody agreements, there still can be challenges around co-parenting and balancing work-parenting responsibilities when you are a solo parent. A comprehensive divorce plan builds in these and the laundry list of other important family implications.

Finances

Here in lies another in depth topic that requires thoughtful planning.  The financial side of the divorce plan can study various options for marital property division, analyze the implications of support payments, and outline a list of “gotchas” or unexpected things you had wished you known but pop up later.  The financial side of the plan also moves through other important financial elements, such as housing transition, divorce transition budgeting, financial fear and financial psychology, and identifying engrained habits that need to be altered or eliminated.

In Conclusion

Yes, comprehensive divorce planning is involved and can take time.  That is only because divorce is arguably the most complex transition we can make.  If I could give one piece of advice to a divorcee that would be to slow-down to speed-up.  Don’t leap into divorce blindly.  Make the right investments upfront and reap the returns through the divorce approval process and beyond.

For more support with your divorce, visit the Divorce Support Center on Patreon.

Navigating Divorce with Love: Transforming Pain into Positive Choices

Posted on by Steve

Divorce is often laden with negative energy, a turbulent time when past choices and experiences heavily influence our present decisions. Is a divorce with love possible? Yes, there is a guiding principle that can help us navigate this challenging period with grace and positivity: asking ourselves, “What would love do now?” This question, introduced to me by a mentor during my own divorce, serves as a beacon, illuminating the path through every decision, no matter how significant or trivial.

The Vital Question: “What Would Love Do Now?”

Years have passed since I first encountered this question, yet its relevance has only grown. Initially, I struggled to consistently align my actions with this principle, overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil of divorce. With time and self-reflection, it became clearer. The struggle lay in the negative energy inherent in separation—the act of breaking sacred vows and intentions felt intrinsically unloving.

Yet, the paradox is that such intense separation often necessitates negative energy. Losing someone dear is inherently painful, more so when they are at their best. Unconsciously, we harness this negativity to navigate the separation. However, the critical error is allowing this negative energy to overshadow the guiding question: “What would love do now?” Love must act as a counterbalance, preventing a spiral into more negativity, a cycle seen in countless divorces.

Embracing Love in Non-Traditional Ways

It’s natural to resist the notion of love in the midst of divorce. Thoughts like, “But she is the one leaving me,” or “How can I love him when he treats me terribly?” are common. Yet, the call to love is not about traditional romantic love for your ex-spouse. It’s about a broader, more encompassing love—one that includes kindness towards others and gentleness towards yourself. It might manifest as gratitude for what you still have, curiosity in learning from the challenge, or a kind word even in difficult times.

Shedding the Divorce Backpack

Too often, people drag their past into their divorce like a heavy backpack filled with old grievances, injustices, and unforgiveness. This metaphorical backpack is burdened with everything that went wrong in the relationship. When faced with choices during the divorce, instead of asking, “What would love do?” they reach into this backpack, finding only solutions rooted in past pain.

These past-driven solutions do not facilitate separation; they entrench individuals in their misery, creating a self-imposed prison of pain and resentment. True freedom and healing come from practicing forgiveness and releasing the emotional baggage.

The Power of Blanket Forgiveness

Consider the example of someone who demanded a heartfelt apology for a past wrong, unable to move forward without it. While the spouse had apologized, it lacked the sincerity they sought. This highlights the need for blanket forgiveness—a conscious decision to forgive without conditions.

Forgiveness involves recognizing your own missteps, empathizing with the other person’s perspective, and committing to causing no further harm. It’s a powerful act of love that liberates both parties, allowing for genuine healing and new beginnings.

Conclusion

Divorce, while painful, can be a profound journey of personal growth and transformation. By consistently asking, “What would love do now?” you can navigate the complexities of separation with a positive, loving mindset. This approach not only helps in making better choices but also fosters a sense of peace and forgiveness, paving the way for a brighter future. Remember, love is not just an emotion but a series of intentional actions that can heal wounds and create a foundation for a new, fulfilling life.

Harnessing Universal Laws for a Positive Divorce Transition

Posted on by Steve

Divorce is often portrayed as a challenging and tumultuous period in one’s life. However, it also presents a unique opportunity for personal growth and transformation. By understanding and applying universal laws, you can navigate your divorce not just with resilience, but with a proactive strategy for a positive divorce transition.

The Sequence of Transformation

Change begins from within, and it follows a sequential pattern which can greatly influence the outcome of your divorce and the future of your relationships. Here’s how you can apply these principles:

  1. Watch Your Thoughts: Thoughts are powerful and shape your beliefs which in turn manifest into words. It’s important to be aware of your thoughts, especially during stressful times like a divorce.
  2. Watch Your Words: Words are not just a form of expression but also action. They can heal or hurt, build up or break down. Be mindful of your words, as they directly influence your actions and reactions.
  3. Watch Your Actions: Actions are habitual. What you do repeatedly during your divorce can set the tone for your post-divorce life. Focus on actions that reinforce your commitment to positivity and growth.
  4. Watch Your Habits: Habits shape your character. During a divorce, it’s easy to develop negative habits under stress. Focus on cultivating habits that are constructive rather than destructive.
  5. Watch Your Character: Your character is your destiny. It defines how you emerge from your divorce—stronger and wiser, or bitter and resentful.
  6. Your Thoughts as Seeds: Recognize that your thoughts are seeds of your destiny. Plant the seeds of positivity and resilience to harvest a future of prosperity and happiness.

Making the Choice

Divorce tests you in many ways. Each challenge presents a choice: align with negativity or choose a path of positivity. By consciously choosing positivity, you ensure that your divorce becomes a transformative experience, reshaping your life from the inside out.

Structured Practice for Re-Programming

Developing a structured practice to re-program your mental circuitry is essential. This involves replacing existing event-response habits that may be negatively affecting your experience. Through routine and disciplined practice, you can begin to influence not only the outcome of your divorce but also your overall life experience.

Leveraging Divorce for Growth

The Positive Prosperity Divorce Coaching Program is specifically designed to use the challenges of divorce as catalysts for personal growth. It condenses the wisdom of universal laws into practical strategies tailored to your unique situation. As you continue to engage with the program, either individually or in a group coaching setting, you’ll find yourself better positioned to manage a positive divorce transition and transform other aspects of your life.

Conclusion

Divorce doesn’t have to be an end but a beginning. By applying the seven universal laws, you can transition through your divorce with grace and emerge with newfound strength and clarity. Engage with the Positive Prosperity Divorce Coaching Program to guide you through this transformative journey, ensuring that you use this period not just to end a relationship, but to begin a new chapter in life.

Building Emotional Immunity: Understanding Pain as a Teacher

Posted on by Steve

In the realm of emotional wellness, pain often serves as a powerful teacher, guiding us toward deeper understanding and growth. Just as a cold manifests with symptoms like a runny nose or fever, emotional distress can present itself through various manifestations such as sleep deprivation, headaches, or digestive issues, especially in challenging situations like divorce. However, much like treating the symptoms of a cold without addressing its root cause, merely alleviating these emotional symptoms without delving into their origins can lead to temporary relief but not lasting healing.

When faced with emotional pain, the common response is often to seek quick fixes to alleviate discomfort. Society has normalized certain coping mechanisms like Xanax, alcohol, or distractions such as shopping or indulging in pornography. These methods offer momentary reprieve by numbing the symptoms but fail to address the underlying cause or help with understanding pain. Moreover, they don’t equip individuals with the resilience needed to navigate future challenges.

Renowned poet Rumi once said, “The answer to the pain is in the pain.” This profound statement invites us to explore the depths of our suffering, recognizing it as a gateway to self-discovery and healing. However, this requires courage and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about ourselves.

Anecdotal experiences often serve as poignant examples of this journey towards understanding and healing. For instance, one individual may realize that their relentless pursuit of approval stems from unresolved childhood issues, such as seeking validation from a parent. Another might discover that their fear of vulnerability and avoidance of difficult conversations have led to a disempowered existence.

Crucially, these revelations often transcend surface-level blame or external circumstances. While it may be easy to attribute emotional pain to external factors like a divorce or a strained relationship, true healing begins when we acknowledge our role in perpetuating our suffering.

Creating a personalized treatment plan tailored to address the root causes of emotional pain is essential for sustainable healing and understanding pain. This involves introspection, therapy, and perhaps forgiveness—whether it’s forgiving oneself or others. It requires a shift from short-term coping mechanisms towards long-term strategies aimed at holistic well-being.

Ultimately, building immunity to emotional pain involves embracing discomfort as an opportunity for growth and self-awareness. By unraveling the layers of our suffering, we uncover profound insights that empower us to lead more authentic, fulfilling lives. So, instead of merely masking the symptoms, let’s embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing—one that offers lasting  transformation through understanding pain.

Unlocking Peace: How Personalized Divorce Support Can Ease Your Transition

Posted on by Steve

Divorce can be a daunting journey, fraught with uncertainties and fears. It’s natural to experience anxiety when facing such a significant life change. However, these fears often stem from unaddressed weaknesses within ourselves, which can hinder our ability to navigate the process effectively. But fear not, as there are ways to confront and overcome these challenges with the help of personalized divorce support and specialized divorce coaching.

Understanding Divorce Fear

Divorce fear is like a weak spot we’ve ignored or avoided dealing with. These weak spots represent opportunities for growth and transformation. By addressing them, we can transition from a state of pent-up fear to one of greater peace and empowerment.

The Illusion of Security

Much of our fear surrounding divorce arises from our attachment to material possessions and societal constructs of certainty and safety. We may believe we own things like houses or retirement plans, but in reality, they are merely constructs designed to provide psychological security. However, they can be taken away by divorce, legal matters, or unforeseen events like natural disasters or illness.

Transitioning to Ease and Flow

The key to overcoming divorce fear lies in a combination of action-based faith and supernatural faith. Action-based faith involves taking proactive steps to address our underlying fears and prevent negative outcomes. However, if these outcomes do occur, supernatural faith serves as our guiding light, helping us trust in the process and believe in our ability to overcome any obstacle.

The Blend of Action and Belief

During the divorce transition, it’s essential to blend these two forms of faith. We must identify actionable steps to address our fears while cultivating a belief in our own skills, talents, and experiences to navigate the challenges ahead. This blend of action and belief is what propels us forward and allows us to trust that alignment will occur.

The Role of Personalized Divorce Support

This is where personalized divorce support and specialized divorce coaching come into play. A divorce transition expert can help you identify your weak spots, develop actionable strategies to address them, and provide the support and guidance you need to navigate the process with confidence and ease. By working with a specialized coach, you can unlock a sense of peace and empowerment as you transition through divorce.

In conclusion, divorce fear is a natural part of the process, but it doesn’t have to control us. With the right support and guidance, we can confront our fears, embrace change, and emerge stronger on the other side. Personalized divorce support and specialized divorce coaching offer valuable tools and resources to help us navigate this challenging journey and find peace amidst the chaos.

Investing in Personal Growth in Divorce Over Thriftiness

Posted on by Steve

When faced with major life changes such as divorce, it’s natural to seek stability through thriftiness. However, let’s delve into the paradigm shift from relying solely on thriftiness to investing in personal growth in divorce for optimal outcomes.

Research indicates that when individuals seek help, a majority initially gravitate towards free resources. Yet, only a fraction commit fully, often hindered by obstacles like financial constraints or time constraints. This leaves a significant opportunity for those willing to make a full personal investment in their journey towards a better outcome.

Why invest in personal growth during divorce? Firstly, your relationship’s effectiveness during and after divorce is limited by your relationship ceiling. No negotiated settlement or method of divorce will surpass this inherent limitation. Secondly, your capacity to manage change also has a ceiling dictated by habitual patterns. Investing in personal growth allows for the correction of these patterns and opens avenues for growth and transformation.

A investment personal growth in divorce transition involves identifying areas where the most gains can be made quickly. Drawing parallels to concepts like the minimum effective dose and the Pareto Principle, the focus is on optimizing efforts for maximum impact. Traditional therapy, while effective for self-discovery, may not align with the procedural demands of divorce. Instead, coaching offers a solution by rapidly elevating clients above their ceilings and providing tools to navigate divorce challenges effectively.

The goal is to facilitate rapid progress without compromising depth or quality. Typically, this involves a series of coaching sessions tailored to the individual’s needs, ranging from three to six sessions. By aligning self-discovery with practical tools and strategies, clients can navigate divorce proceedings with clarity and confidence.

In conclusion, an opportunity exists for investing in personal growth in divorce transformation. By shifting from thriftiness to strategic investment in oneself, individuals can unlock their full potential and emerge from divorce not just intact, but stronger and more resilient than before.

3 Keys to Start Your Divorce Right

Posted on by Steve

It takes courage to ask for a divorce.  You want to start your divorce right, but are not sure how. Commonly,  many divorcees dive right in before they change their minds. As a result, they make key mistakes.  

You are sitting in a marriage that is simply not working.  It’s not “broken,” a “failure,” or any other label that conjures shame. The relationship has transformed in such a way that it’s no longer serving the couple.  It’s as simple as that.  Yet, many divorcees use similar defining words as they end their marriage.  These words invigorate the divorce stereotype, which misguides their initial steps as they start the process.

Broaching a divorce with your spouse takes tremendous courage, especially if there is pent-up frustration and toxicity.  Common responses are disbelief, anger, loss of trust, and fear as the family’s status shifts from what’s familiar to a landscape completely unfamiliar.  Misperception, and a tendency to argue against the truth, quickly bring one’s protection instincts to the forefront.  This is why many couples, in marriage counseling quickly drop into hiring family lawyers as the next step.  They move from putting energy towards finding a successful outcome to a structure that is not designed to produce a cohesive resolve.

It doesn’t need to be this way.  This can’t be the norm because not only do families carry the ramifications of a botched divorce, but so too do their communities.  Yes, there is a legal process necessary to end your marriage contract. But this does not mean the swirling nature of this process should, by default, impede upon the best possible outcome each person truly wants for themselves and their children.

As I’ve coached divorcees, I have come to realize successful divorces are those that take the right steps upfront.  Here are three keys to starting a divorce off on the right path.

First: Vow to Do No Further Harm

Marriages begin with sacred vows.  They are sacred not only because they are spoken, often in front of family, friends, and clergy, but because these intentions formulate dreams of what can be.  The dreams are sacred intentions for each other, children, and a future on which the couple dedicates themselves.

When a marriage begins not to work in a way that serves the couple, it becomes scary to enter into the abyss called divorce. However, isn’t it possible to establish a new vow – a new intention?  Speaking a vow at the end of their marriage sets the couple on a path to the divorce outcome they truly want.

It takes a lot of courage to face divorce with integrity and without blame and judgment.  Yet, isn’t the alternative route worse?  If couples recognize the marriage is simply not working, and begin telling the truth about the marriage and what’s transpired, they can speak a new vow – “The Vow to Do No Further Harm.”  It recognizes harm was done, but then lays the groundwork for possibility and hope, just as did the vows spoken at the marriage ceremony.  It brings different energy so they can uncouple in the best way possible.

Second: Create a Platform to Hear Shared Intentions

Just as marriage vows are spoken by each party, so too must their intentions.  “The Vow to Do No Further Harm” is positioned for success when each person has a platform to speak their shared intentions to the other.

I’ve worked with couples whose financial life is so intertwined, like couples who own a business together, or those who have major shared real estate interests, that they are keenly aware the family court is not the best place to work out their future.  These couples are almost forced to work together.  I start the divorce coaching by asking them to outline the intentions they have for themselves, their spouse, their children, their employees, and their friends.  This initial dialogue allows them to see the similarity of their intentions.

The nature of divorce brings a lot of distractions.  A true understanding of shared intentions is the foundation upon which the couple co-creates their future. It allows them to reset their focus, rather than aimlessly arguing.

Third: Know When to Pause

I have yet to find a Family Court that seeks to learn about all the unique inner workings happening within a relationship and then alters its process so it better aligns with the couple’s situation.  No! The Family Court operates off established civil procedure, and every couple is forced to go through it.  Some cases move through easily, while others are square pegs slamming into round holes. Two factors that can quickly knock a divorce off the right path are high contentiousness and financial complexity.

Every divorce maintains a layer of unavoidable costs.  Some unavoidable time, energy, and money are necessary to complete the divorce process.  However, when couples have high degrees of unresolved contentiousness, the legal process can quickly shift the effects beyond the unavoidable costs to compound avoidable costs of time, energy, money, and health.  These four forms of prosperity are the keys to rebuilding one’s life.  Yet, they are eroded by the toxicity around divorce.

Divorce problems do not go away once the judge stamps the decree final.  Marriages that entered divorce with unresolved contentiousness find the contentiousness compounds and lasts well after the court has made its final ruling.  By admitting that your relationship is at its weakest, and pausing so you can both calm the contentiousness, you can save unnecessary costs to you and your family.

The other reason to pause is if your marriage has a high degree of financial complexity.  Lawyers, mediators, and judges are not trained financial experts.  They do not hold financial certifications, take continuing education, or stay fully up to date on all new financial rules and protocols.  Additionally, family court decisions do not always supersede tax rules, retirement plan administrator requirements, insurance contracts, debt agreements, and other key financial constraints.

The family court is simply looking to solve a division problem presented to it in the form of a case.  Since the court can make these decisions without first consulting other licensed professionals, financial mistakes can cost much more than the hourly fees you paid to professionals who crafted case arguments and proposals.  It’s in both party’s best interests to become fully informed about the financial side of their marriage so they can be in a position of strength to make smart financial decisions.

In summary, the keys to successful divorce depend greatly on stepping back, assessing your situation, and choosing unconventional steps, rather than diving into the “traditional” approach to divorce.  As I look at the issues facing my parents as they divorced over 40 years ago to the challenges divorcees face today, I can honestly say success lies in doing what might seem difficult upfront but winds up creating so much ease as the process unfolds.  Let’s face it!  The divorce industry has not received “blue ribbons” for the outstanding progress it’s made over the last few decades.