Tag: mediation

Breaking Free from the Toxic Patterns of Divorce

Posted on by Steve

Divorce often becomes a battleground where couples engage in what can only be described as a “toxic dance.” This repetitive cycle of circular arguments, blame-shifting, and deflection leads nowhere, trapping individuals in a spiral of negativity and resentment. In this blog, we’ll delve into the dynamics of the toxic dance, explore its underlying causes, and discuss practical strategies for breaking free from toxic patterns of divorce.

Recognizing the Toxic Dance: Understanding the Patterns

The toxic dance is a familiar routine for many couples going through divorce or are in a disengaged marriage. It’s characterized by arguments that seem to go round and round without any resolution in sight. Each partner becomes entrenched in their own beliefs, leading to a perpetual cycle of blame and counter-blame. This toxic pattern may also involve deflecting ownership and responsibility, with each party pointing fingers at the other instead of addressing the underlying issues.

Unpacking the Core Beliefs: Identifying the Trigger

At the heart of the toxic dance lie deeply rooted core beliefs. These beliefs dictate how we perceive ourselves and our relationships, often driving our behavior in times of conflict. Whether it’s a belief about how we should be treated or a rigid expectation of how our partner should behave, these core beliefs shape our responses and fuel the toxic dance. By identifying these triggers, we can gain insight into our own patterns of behavior and begin to break free from the cycle.

Understanding Fear-Based Thoughts: Confronting False Narratives

Fear plays a significant role in perpetuating the toxic dance. “False evidence appearing real” (FEAR), coined by Wayne Dyer, distorts our perception of reality, leading us to anticipate negative outcomes based on past experiences or imagined scenarios. These fear-based thoughts trigger emotional reactions, manifesting as tension or discomfort in our bodies. Recognizing these warning signs allows us to pause and challenge the validity of our thoughts, shifting our focus from fear to truth.

The Price of the Toxic Dance: Counting the Costs

Engaging in the toxic patterns of divorce comes at a steep cost to our well-being. It consumes our time, energy, and emotional reserves, diverting resources away from more constructive endeavors. The toll of stress, anxiety, and physical health issues further compounds the damage, affecting our ability to function effectively in other areas of our lives. By acknowledging the true cost of our actions, we can begin to reclaim our agency and chart a course towards healing.

Breaking Free: Embracing Virtues for Change

Escaping the toxic dance requires a commitment to self-awareness and personal growth. By cultivating virtues such as patience, curiosity, gratitude, and perseverance, we can disrupt the cycle of negativity and create space for positive change. Patience allows us to pause and reflect before reacting impulsively. Curiosity encourages us to explore alternative perspectives and understand our own motivations. Gratitude shifts our focus from what’s lacking to what’s present, fostering a sense of abundance and appreciation. Perseverance empowers us to endure setbacks and continue moving forward, even in the face of adversity.

Embracing the Journey: Moving Towards Healing

Breaking free from the toxic patterns of divorce is a journey that requires courage, resilience, and self-compassion. By embracing our vulnerabilities and seeking support when needed, we can cultivate healthier relationships and navigate divorce with grace and dignity. Remember, change is possible, and every step towards healing brings us closer to a brighter future

Navigating Divorce with Love: Transforming Pain into Positive Choices

Posted on by Steve

Divorce is often laden with negative energy, a turbulent time when past choices and experiences heavily influence our present decisions. Is a divorce with love possible? Yes, there is a guiding principle that can help us navigate this challenging period with grace and positivity: asking ourselves, “What would love do now?” This question, introduced to me by a mentor during my own divorce, serves as a beacon, illuminating the path through every decision, no matter how significant or trivial.

The Vital Question: “What Would Love Do Now?”

Years have passed since I first encountered this question, yet its relevance has only grown. Initially, I struggled to consistently align my actions with this principle, overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil of divorce. With time and self-reflection, it became clearer. The struggle lay in the negative energy inherent in separation—the act of breaking sacred vows and intentions felt intrinsically unloving.

Yet, the paradox is that such intense separation often necessitates negative energy. Losing someone dear is inherently painful, more so when they are at their best. Unconsciously, we harness this negativity to navigate the separation. However, the critical error is allowing this negative energy to overshadow the guiding question: “What would love do now?” Love must act as a counterbalance, preventing a spiral into more negativity, a cycle seen in countless divorces.

Embracing Love in Non-Traditional Ways

It’s natural to resist the notion of love in the midst of divorce. Thoughts like, “But she is the one leaving me,” or “How can I love him when he treats me terribly?” are common. Yet, the call to love is not about traditional romantic love for your ex-spouse. It’s about a broader, more encompassing love—one that includes kindness towards others and gentleness towards yourself. It might manifest as gratitude for what you still have, curiosity in learning from the challenge, or a kind word even in difficult times.

Shedding the Divorce Backpack

Too often, people drag their past into their divorce like a heavy backpack filled with old grievances, injustices, and unforgiveness. This metaphorical backpack is burdened with everything that went wrong in the relationship. When faced with choices during the divorce, instead of asking, “What would love do?” they reach into this backpack, finding only solutions rooted in past pain.

These past-driven solutions do not facilitate separation; they entrench individuals in their misery, creating a self-imposed prison of pain and resentment. True freedom and healing come from practicing forgiveness and releasing the emotional baggage.

The Power of Blanket Forgiveness

Consider the example of someone who demanded a heartfelt apology for a past wrong, unable to move forward without it. While the spouse had apologized, it lacked the sincerity they sought. This highlights the need for blanket forgiveness—a conscious decision to forgive without conditions.

Forgiveness involves recognizing your own missteps, empathizing with the other person’s perspective, and committing to causing no further harm. It’s a powerful act of love that liberates both parties, allowing for genuine healing and new beginnings.

Conclusion

Divorce, while painful, can be a profound journey of personal growth and transformation. By consistently asking, “What would love do now?” you can navigate the complexities of separation with a positive, loving mindset. This approach not only helps in making better choices but also fosters a sense of peace and forgiveness, paving the way for a brighter future. Remember, love is not just an emotion but a series of intentional actions that can heal wounds and create a foundation for a new, fulfilling life.

Harnessing Universal Laws for a Positive Divorce Transition

Posted on by Steve

Divorce is often portrayed as a challenging and tumultuous period in one’s life. However, it also presents a unique opportunity for personal growth and transformation. By understanding and applying universal laws, you can navigate your divorce not just with resilience, but with a proactive strategy for a positive divorce transition.

The Sequence of Transformation

Change begins from within, and it follows a sequential pattern which can greatly influence the outcome of your divorce and the future of your relationships. Here’s how you can apply these principles:

  1. Watch Your Thoughts: Thoughts are powerful and shape your beliefs which in turn manifest into words. It’s important to be aware of your thoughts, especially during stressful times like a divorce.
  2. Watch Your Words: Words are not just a form of expression but also action. They can heal or hurt, build up or break down. Be mindful of your words, as they directly influence your actions and reactions.
  3. Watch Your Actions: Actions are habitual. What you do repeatedly during your divorce can set the tone for your post-divorce life. Focus on actions that reinforce your commitment to positivity and growth.
  4. Watch Your Habits: Habits shape your character. During a divorce, it’s easy to develop negative habits under stress. Focus on cultivating habits that are constructive rather than destructive.
  5. Watch Your Character: Your character is your destiny. It defines how you emerge from your divorce—stronger and wiser, or bitter and resentful.
  6. Your Thoughts as Seeds: Recognize that your thoughts are seeds of your destiny. Plant the seeds of positivity and resilience to harvest a future of prosperity and happiness.

Making the Choice

Divorce tests you in many ways. Each challenge presents a choice: align with negativity or choose a path of positivity. By consciously choosing positivity, you ensure that your divorce becomes a transformative experience, reshaping your life from the inside out.

Structured Practice for Re-Programming

Developing a structured practice to re-program your mental circuitry is essential. This involves replacing existing event-response habits that may be negatively affecting your experience. Through routine and disciplined practice, you can begin to influence not only the outcome of your divorce but also your overall life experience.

Leveraging Divorce for Growth

The Positive Prosperity Divorce Coaching Program is specifically designed to use the challenges of divorce as catalysts for personal growth. It condenses the wisdom of universal laws into practical strategies tailored to your unique situation. As you continue to engage with the program, either individually or in a group coaching setting, you’ll find yourself better positioned to manage a positive divorce transition and transform other aspects of your life.

Conclusion

Divorce doesn’t have to be an end but a beginning. By applying the seven universal laws, you can transition through your divorce with grace and emerge with newfound strength and clarity. Engage with the Positive Prosperity Divorce Coaching Program to guide you through this transformative journey, ensuring that you use this period not just to end a relationship, but to begin a new chapter in life.

Building Emotional Immunity: Understanding Pain as a Teacher

Posted on by Steve

In the realm of emotional wellness, pain often serves as a powerful teacher, guiding us toward deeper understanding and growth. Just as a cold manifests with symptoms like a runny nose or fever, emotional distress can present itself through various manifestations such as sleep deprivation, headaches, or digestive issues, especially in challenging situations like divorce. However, much like treating the symptoms of a cold without addressing its root cause, merely alleviating these emotional symptoms without delving into their origins can lead to temporary relief but not lasting healing.

When faced with emotional pain, the common response is often to seek quick fixes to alleviate discomfort. Society has normalized certain coping mechanisms like Xanax, alcohol, or distractions such as shopping or indulging in pornography. These methods offer momentary reprieve by numbing the symptoms but fail to address the underlying cause or help with understanding pain. Moreover, they don’t equip individuals with the resilience needed to navigate future challenges.

Renowned poet Rumi once said, “The answer to the pain is in the pain.” This profound statement invites us to explore the depths of our suffering, recognizing it as a gateway to self-discovery and healing. However, this requires courage and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about ourselves.

Anecdotal experiences often serve as poignant examples of this journey towards understanding and healing. For instance, one individual may realize that their relentless pursuit of approval stems from unresolved childhood issues, such as seeking validation from a parent. Another might discover that their fear of vulnerability and avoidance of difficult conversations have led to a disempowered existence.

Crucially, these revelations often transcend surface-level blame or external circumstances. While it may be easy to attribute emotional pain to external factors like a divorce or a strained relationship, true healing begins when we acknowledge our role in perpetuating our suffering.

Creating a personalized treatment plan tailored to address the root causes of emotional pain is essential for sustainable healing and understanding pain. This involves introspection, therapy, and perhaps forgiveness—whether it’s forgiving oneself or others. It requires a shift from short-term coping mechanisms towards long-term strategies aimed at holistic well-being.

Ultimately, building immunity to emotional pain involves embracing discomfort as an opportunity for growth and self-awareness. By unraveling the layers of our suffering, we uncover profound insights that empower us to lead more authentic, fulfilling lives. So, instead of merely masking the symptoms, let’s embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing—one that offers lasting  transformation through understanding pain.

Taking Control of Your Decisions Through Empowering Divorce Mediation

Posted on by Steve

In the realm of divorce, there are typically two paths one can take: the path of litigation or the path of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), such as Mediation, Pro-Se, or Arbitration. While the former involves a formal rollout of a civil trial, the latter offers alternative routes to reach resolution without the heavy burden of litigation. The alternative path allows you to take control of your decisions through empowering divorce mediation.

Each ADR path provides couples with the opportunity to exert more control over their divorce process. However, couples who find themselves feeling “out of control” – whether due to overwhelming emotions or unresolved conflicts from their marriage –may overlook the significant advantages that the ADR process can offer.

Even with the guidance of skilled mediators and coaches, individuals can only progress as far as they are willing to explore within themselves and with each other. Merely desiring a favorable outcome without aligning that desire with proactive action can render one’s aspirations nothing more than wishful thinking.

It’s essential to recognize that mediation, while touted as a smoother alternative to litigation, is not merely about saving money on legal fees. Without proper attention to key factors, such as communication, financial preparedness, and conflict resolution, couples may find themselves mired in frustration and stress, akin to the experience of litigation.

A recent client’s story sheds light on common pitfalls in the mediation process. Despite undergoing five mediation sessions to finalize financial settlements, they neglected critical aspects of their transition, such as housing decisions. This oversight underscores the importance of gathering relevant information beforehand to address uncertainties and mitigate fear-based responses.

Furthermore, when communication breaks down, and parties resort to communicating solely through their attorneys, the underlying cycle of conflict remains unaddressed. Without proactive measures to break this cycle, post-divorce interactions may continue to be fraught with tension and animosity.

Moreover, delaying critical inquiries about post-divorce arrangements until after settlement decisions are made only prolongs the transition process and hampers effective planning for the future.

While it’s easy to blame a lack of cooperation from the other party, true empowerment in divorce comes from taking responsibility for one’s own actions and decisions. By elevating one’s standards and exerting willpower aligned with desired outcomes, individuals can transcend the limitations imposed by external factors.

In essence, mediation presents a valuable opportunity for a smoother transition through divorce, but it requires more than a superficial commitment. To leverage its full potential, couples must pause, gather information, and proactively address underlying conflicts. Only then can mediation truly empower individuals to shape their own future beyond the confines of divorce.

In conclusion, while divorce may mark the end of a chapter, it also signifies the beginning of a new journey. By embracing empowering divorce mediation as a means to reclaim control over their divorce process, individuals can pave the way for a more empowered and fulfilling post-divorce life.

Unlocking Peace: How Personalized Divorce Support Can Ease Your Transition

Posted on by Steve

Divorce can be a daunting journey, fraught with uncertainties and fears. It’s natural to experience anxiety when facing such a significant life change. However, these fears often stem from unaddressed weaknesses within ourselves, which can hinder our ability to navigate the process effectively. But fear not, as there are ways to confront and overcome these challenges with the help of personalized divorce support and specialized divorce coaching.

Understanding Divorce Fear

Divorce fear is like a weak spot we’ve ignored or avoided dealing with. These weak spots represent opportunities for growth and transformation. By addressing them, we can transition from a state of pent-up fear to one of greater peace and empowerment.

The Illusion of Security

Much of our fear surrounding divorce arises from our attachment to material possessions and societal constructs of certainty and safety. We may believe we own things like houses or retirement plans, but in reality, they are merely constructs designed to provide psychological security. However, they can be taken away by divorce, legal matters, or unforeseen events like natural disasters or illness.

Transitioning to Ease and Flow

The key to overcoming divorce fear lies in a combination of action-based faith and supernatural faith. Action-based faith involves taking proactive steps to address our underlying fears and prevent negative outcomes. However, if these outcomes do occur, supernatural faith serves as our guiding light, helping us trust in the process and believe in our ability to overcome any obstacle.

The Blend of Action and Belief

During the divorce transition, it’s essential to blend these two forms of faith. We must identify actionable steps to address our fears while cultivating a belief in our own skills, talents, and experiences to navigate the challenges ahead. This blend of action and belief is what propels us forward and allows us to trust that alignment will occur.

The Role of Personalized Divorce Support

This is where personalized divorce support and specialized divorce coaching come into play. A divorce transition expert can help you identify your weak spots, develop actionable strategies to address them, and provide the support and guidance you need to navigate the process with confidence and ease. By working with a specialized coach, you can unlock a sense of peace and empowerment as you transition through divorce.

In conclusion, divorce fear is a natural part of the process, but it doesn’t have to control us. With the right support and guidance, we can confront our fears, embrace change, and emerge stronger on the other side. Personalized divorce support and specialized divorce coaching offer valuable tools and resources to help us navigate this challenging journey and find peace amidst the chaos.

Investing in Personal Growth in Divorce Over Thriftiness

Posted on by Steve

When faced with major life changes such as divorce, it’s natural to seek stability through thriftiness. However, let’s delve into the paradigm shift from relying solely on thriftiness to investing in personal growth in divorce for optimal outcomes.

Research indicates that when individuals seek help, a majority initially gravitate towards free resources. Yet, only a fraction commit fully, often hindered by obstacles like financial constraints or time constraints. This leaves a significant opportunity for those willing to make a full personal investment in their journey towards a better outcome.

Why invest in personal growth during divorce? Firstly, your relationship’s effectiveness during and after divorce is limited by your relationship ceiling. No negotiated settlement or method of divorce will surpass this inherent limitation. Secondly, your capacity to manage change also has a ceiling dictated by habitual patterns. Investing in personal growth allows for the correction of these patterns and opens avenues for growth and transformation.

A investment personal growth in divorce transition involves identifying areas where the most gains can be made quickly. Drawing parallels to concepts like the minimum effective dose and the Pareto Principle, the focus is on optimizing efforts for maximum impact. Traditional therapy, while effective for self-discovery, may not align with the procedural demands of divorce. Instead, coaching offers a solution by rapidly elevating clients above their ceilings and providing tools to navigate divorce challenges effectively.

The goal is to facilitate rapid progress without compromising depth or quality. Typically, this involves a series of coaching sessions tailored to the individual’s needs, ranging from three to six sessions. By aligning self-discovery with practical tools and strategies, clients can navigate divorce proceedings with clarity and confidence.

In conclusion, an opportunity exists for investing in personal growth in divorce transformation. By shifting from thriftiness to strategic investment in oneself, individuals can unlock their full potential and emerge from divorce not just intact, but stronger and more resilient than before.

3 Keys to Start Your Divorce Right

Posted on by Steve

It takes courage to ask for a divorce.  You want to start your divorce right, but are not sure how. Commonly,  many divorcees dive right in before they change their minds. As a result, they make key mistakes.  

You are sitting in a marriage that is simply not working.  It’s not “broken,” a “failure,” or any other label that conjures shame. The relationship has transformed in such a way that it’s no longer serving the couple.  It’s as simple as that.  Yet, many divorcees use similar defining words as they end their marriage.  These words invigorate the divorce stereotype, which misguides their initial steps as they start the process.

Broaching a divorce with your spouse takes tremendous courage, especially if there is pent-up frustration and toxicity.  Common responses are disbelief, anger, loss of trust, and fear as the family’s status shifts from what’s familiar to a landscape completely unfamiliar.  Misperception, and a tendency to argue against the truth, quickly bring one’s protection instincts to the forefront.  This is why many couples, in marriage counseling quickly drop into hiring family lawyers as the next step.  They move from putting energy towards finding a successful outcome to a structure that is not designed to produce a cohesive resolve.

It doesn’t need to be this way.  This can’t be the norm because not only do families carry the ramifications of a botched divorce, but so too do their communities.  Yes, there is a legal process necessary to end your marriage contract. But this does not mean the swirling nature of this process should, by default, impede upon the best possible outcome each person truly wants for themselves and their children.

As I’ve coached divorcees, I have come to realize successful divorces are those that take the right steps upfront.  Here are three keys to starting a divorce off on the right path.

First: Vow to Do No Further Harm

Marriages begin with sacred vows.  They are sacred not only because they are spoken, often in front of family, friends, and clergy, but because these intentions formulate dreams of what can be.  The dreams are sacred intentions for each other, children, and a future on which the couple dedicates themselves.

When a marriage begins not to work in a way that serves the couple, it becomes scary to enter into the abyss called divorce. However, isn’t it possible to establish a new vow – a new intention?  Speaking a vow at the end of their marriage sets the couple on a path to the divorce outcome they truly want.

It takes a lot of courage to face divorce with integrity and without blame and judgment.  Yet, isn’t the alternative route worse?  If couples recognize the marriage is simply not working, and begin telling the truth about the marriage and what’s transpired, they can speak a new vow – “The Vow to Do No Further Harm.”  It recognizes harm was done, but then lays the groundwork for possibility and hope, just as did the vows spoken at the marriage ceremony.  It brings different energy so they can uncouple in the best way possible.

Second: Create a Platform to Hear Shared Intentions

Just as marriage vows are spoken by each party, so too must their intentions.  “The Vow to Do No Further Harm” is positioned for success when each person has a platform to speak their shared intentions to the other.

I’ve worked with couples whose financial life is so intertwined, like couples who own a business together, or those who have major shared real estate interests, that they are keenly aware the family court is not the best place to work out their future.  These couples are almost forced to work together.  I start the divorce coaching by asking them to outline the intentions they have for themselves, their spouse, their children, their employees, and their friends.  This initial dialogue allows them to see the similarity of their intentions.

The nature of divorce brings a lot of distractions.  A true understanding of shared intentions is the foundation upon which the couple co-creates their future. It allows them to reset their focus, rather than aimlessly arguing.

Third: Know When to Pause

I have yet to find a Family Court that seeks to learn about all the unique inner workings happening within a relationship and then alters its process so it better aligns with the couple’s situation.  No! The Family Court operates off established civil procedure, and every couple is forced to go through it.  Some cases move through easily, while others are square pegs slamming into round holes. Two factors that can quickly knock a divorce off the right path are high contentiousness and financial complexity.

Every divorce maintains a layer of unavoidable costs.  Some unavoidable time, energy, and money are necessary to complete the divorce process.  However, when couples have high degrees of unresolved contentiousness, the legal process can quickly shift the effects beyond the unavoidable costs to compound avoidable costs of time, energy, money, and health.  These four forms of prosperity are the keys to rebuilding one’s life.  Yet, they are eroded by the toxicity around divorce.

Divorce problems do not go away once the judge stamps the decree final.  Marriages that entered divorce with unresolved contentiousness find the contentiousness compounds and lasts well after the court has made its final ruling.  By admitting that your relationship is at its weakest, and pausing so you can both calm the contentiousness, you can save unnecessary costs to you and your family.

The other reason to pause is if your marriage has a high degree of financial complexity.  Lawyers, mediators, and judges are not trained financial experts.  They do not hold financial certifications, take continuing education, or stay fully up to date on all new financial rules and protocols.  Additionally, family court decisions do not always supersede tax rules, retirement plan administrator requirements, insurance contracts, debt agreements, and other key financial constraints.

The family court is simply looking to solve a division problem presented to it in the form of a case.  Since the court can make these decisions without first consulting other licensed professionals, financial mistakes can cost much more than the hourly fees you paid to professionals who crafted case arguments and proposals.  It’s in both party’s best interests to become fully informed about the financial side of their marriage so they can be in a position of strength to make smart financial decisions.

In summary, the keys to successful divorce depend greatly on stepping back, assessing your situation, and choosing unconventional steps, rather than diving into the “traditional” approach to divorce.  As I look at the issues facing my parents as they divorced over 40 years ago to the challenges divorcees face today, I can honestly say success lies in doing what might seem difficult upfront but winds up creating so much ease as the process unfolds.  Let’s face it!  The divorce industry has not received “blue ribbons” for the outstanding progress it’s made over the last few decades.

What Do Businesses Gain from Proactively Managing Divorce Risk

Posted on by Steve

Divorce poses a significant systemic risk to businesses, akin to a pandemic in its scope. Wise investments in prevention and mitigation can drastically lower the costs associated with divorce for businesses. Divorce impacts not just the family unit but also ripples through to employers, affecting time, energy, money, and health as employees navigate difficult divorce transitions.  Managing divorce risk is paramount to long-term success.

If businesses invest in divorce risk management as they do with other systemic risks like cybersecurity, they can reduce an inherent cost impacting their bottom line year after year. This proactive approach requires the right strategies and players. Here are some key gains for businesses:

Recapturing Lost Productivity

As you consider the importance of managing divorce risk, consider that employees are already distracted by social media, news, online shopping, and messaging, which impact productivity. Divorce adds a more intense layer of distraction through legal demands, frequent communication, family scheduling issues, household transitions, toxic ex-spouses, and ongoing conversations with co-workers.

These distractions affect bottom-line productivity. For instance, consider a $50,000 salaried employee who becomes 25% less productive. This employee ideally contributes two to three times their salary to the bottom line, so their economic contribution is $100,000 to $150,000. A 25% distraction each month equates to a substantial loss, and these distractions can persist long after the divorce is finalized.

Reducing Strain on Senior Leaders and Key Producers

Senior leaders and key producers present a greater risk than rank-and-file employees, as their divorce cases often involve contentious legal battles. Their job and perks can become pawns in divorce negotiations, such as when a spouse fights for custody, knowing the other’s job demands strain their ability to balance work and family.

Supporting these senior producers is vital because they carry experience, internal and external relationship responsibilities, and subject-matter expertise crucial to the organization’s success. They also influence daily performance across teams.

Lowering Resignations

A study by Philip N. Cohen, a Sociologist at the University of Maryland, analyzed job turnover and divorce over 26 years. His findings show a potential job turnover probability for divorcees ranging from 12% to as high as 20%, with a median turnover rate of about 16% per year. This means businesses could lose one out of every five to six divorcing employees, which is costly given the expense of hiring, onboarding, and training new employees.

Divorcees often struggle to manage work demands alongside solo parenting, face mounting financial obligations, and undergo deep reflection about their priorities, leading to higher resignation rates. All these factors highlight the importance of managing divorce risk.

Reducing Absenteeism and Presenteeism

The demands of divorce place a direct strain on time and energy. The legal timeline of divorce does not wait for key work projects to finish, forcing employees to step away from work to tackle their divorce tasks.

Contentious divorces increase uncertainty and fear as employees await key decisions that can take weeks or months. Without addressing patterns of negative rumination, employees may be present at work but not engaged in their tasks. Effective coaching helps employees prioritize important tasks and manage rumination, keeping their attention focused on the present.

Increasing Loyalty

A recent Gallup poll shows that approximately 25% of employees believe their employer cares about their overall well-being. Of those employees, 69% are less likely to look for a new position. Leaders who support employees through difficult times, such as divorce, make a direct investment in loyalty.

Philip N. Cohen’s research indicates that 2.5% of a workforce may be going through a divorce at any given time. This number increases when considering employees in “invisible divorces” (those who have yet to separate) and those still struggling post-divorce.  This further emphasizes the importance of managing divorce risk.

Conclusion

Employers need to recognize the stealth costs of divorce on their business. An Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is a great starting point, but it should not be limited to legal and therapy connections. Instead, invest in divorce experts who can train staff and leadership. This education and support reduce avoidable costs of time, energy, money, and health, ultimately lowering the risk of divorce-related costs impacting the employer and the employee’s family unit.

Cost of Divorce on Businesses

Posted on by Steve

Since California instituted the no-fault divorce law in 1969, divorce rates have steadily increased. While it’s debatable whether the number of divorces would have remained steady without this law, the nationwide adoption of no-fault divorce laws has coincided with divorce rates reaching pandemic levels. There is a substantial cost of divorce on businesses.

Today, the average divorce rate for first marriages is around 50%, and it jumps to 67% for second marriages. These rates, combined with the unmeasured “invisible divorce rate”—the number of couples who are married but disengaged and living in unhealthy relationships—highlight the significant impact of marital issues on businesses.

The Harvard Business Review estimates that divorce costs US businesses around $150 billion annually. Despite this, businesses are failing to take proactive steps to quantify and manage this stealth risk. Unlike other risks that can be transferred to insurance carriers, businesses have no option but to self-insure against divorce risk. Unfortunately, the landscape of self-insurance tools and resources for this issue is sparse.

The Growing Divorce Industry

As the cost of divorce on businesses continue to rise, so too does the divorce divorce industry, with some estimates valuing it at $28 billion per year and a national average cost of $20,000 per divorcing couple. The Institute of Divorce Financial Analysts reports that approximately 50% of divorces are “pro se” divorces, which do not involve litigation. However, divorces with high contentiousness and financial complexity are more likely to incur greater litigation expenses. This suggests that about 25% of all marriages are likely to end in litigation.

 

The Core Problem

The core problem lies in the mismatch between a divorce case’s characteristics and the family court’s process for legally ending a marriage. Family courts follow standard procedures that work well for amicable exits but are not effective for highly contentious couples or those with complex financial situations. These cases often result in “avoidable costs” on top of the baseline “unavoidable costs” inherent in every divorce.

Avoidable costs include not just money but also time, energy, and health. These factors directly impact a business’s bottom line through productivity declines, increased absenteeism and presenteeism, resignations, quality and safety issues, and the spread of stress to other employees.

The Financial Stress of Divorce

In addition to the direct costs, there is a rise in the employee’s financial stress. PricewaterhouseCoopers conducts an annual financial wellness survey (2023 linked) that routinely reveals financial stress as the number one stressor in families’ lives. This stress often precedes divorce and skyrockets during the process, as divorcees face increased worry about their future and a sense of loss regarding their accumulated assets.

Expanding Employee Assistance Programs

Many business leaders and human resource managers are expanding services through Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), offering access to legal counsel and psychotherapy. However, businesses cannot guarantee that these services will reduce costs for the employee and the business. Moreover, the therapy timeline doesn’t always align with the divorce timeline, deferring the immediate need. Coupled with the delicate nature of these conversations, the potential risk management outcomes are not as effective as they could be.

Proactive Solutions

The cost of divorce on businesses should be treated in a proactive fashion as other  systemic threats, like cyber risk. They can invest in awareness training and implement support tools to prevent and mitigate the impacts of divorce. This proactive management could involve aligning with Certified Divorce Coaches who can help employees navigate the divorce process, mitigate mistakes, develop strategies, and understand both the internal and external aspects of divorce. Additionally, Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFA®) professionals can help employees manage the financial complexities inherent in their divorce.

Businesses can add these offerings to their EAP or align with respected professionals. Relying solely on attorneys to provide these resources can be a mistake, as they may not offer comprehensive support.

Benefits of Proactive Management

Proactively managing divorce risk and the specific cost of divorce on businesses can help businesses reduce the impact on their bottom line. It ensures employees receive the support they need, leading to improved focus, reduced stress, and better overall outcomes during the transition.