In the realm of divorce, there are typically two paths one can take: the path of litigation or the path of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), such as Mediation, Pro-Se, or Arbitration. While the former involves a formal rollout of a civil trial, the latter offers alternative routes to reach resolution without the heavy burden of litigation.
Each ADR path provides couples with the opportunity to exert more control over their divorce process. However, couples who find themselves feeling “out of control” – whether due to overwhelming emotions or unresolved conflicts from their marriage –may overlook the significant advantages that the ADR process can offer.
Even with the guidance of skilled mediators and coaches, individuals can only progress as far as they are willing to explore within themselves and with each other. Merely desiring a favorable outcome without aligning that desire with proactive action can render one’s aspirations nothing more than wishful thinking.
It’s essential to recognize that mediation, while touted as a smoother alternative to litigation, is not merely about saving money on legal fees. Without proper attention to key factors, such as communication, financial preparedness, and conflict resolution, couples may find themselves mired in frustration and stress, akin to the experience of litigation.
A recent client’s story sheds light on common pitfalls in the mediation process. Despite undergoing five mediation sessions to finalize financial settlements, they neglected critical aspects of their transition, such as housing decisions. This oversight underscores the importance of gathering relevant information beforehand to address uncertainties and mitigate fear-based responses.
Furthermore, when communication breaks down, and parties resort to communicating solely through their attorneys, the underlying cycle
of conflict remains unaddressed. Without proactive measures to break this cycle, post-divorce interactions may continue to be fraught with tension and animosity.
Moreover, delaying critical inquiries about post-divorce arrangements until after settlement decisions are made only prolongs the transition process and hampers effective planning for the future.
While it’s easy to blame a lack of cooperation from the other party, true empowerment in divorce comes from taking responsibility for one’s own actions and decisions. By elevating one’s standards and exerting willpower aligned with desired outcomes, individuals can transcend the limitations imposed by external factors.
In essence, mediation presents a valuable opportunity for a smoother transition through divorce, but it requires more than a superficial commitment. To leverage its full potential, couples must pause, gather information, and proactively address underlying conflicts. Only then can mediation truly empower individuals to shape their own future beyond the confines of divorce.
In conclusion, while divorce may mark the end of a chapter, it also signifies the beginning of a new journey. By embracing mediation as a means to reclaim control over their divorce process, individuals can pave the way for a more empowered and fulfilling post-divorce life.
Steve Schleupner specializes as a Divorce Transition Specialist, viewing divorce not just as an event but as a transformative life journey. His approach involves empowering clients to strategize for the long haul. Acting as a mediator, Steve presents various options aimed at reducing conflict and enhancing financial acumen, enabling clients to reach settlement agreements with clarity and assurance. Beyond the finalization of divorce decrees, he remains a steadfast guide, assisting clients in implementing their plans and adjusting them as circumstances evolve. With over two decades of financial planning expertise and seven years dedicated specifically to divorce coaching, Steve brings a wealth of knowledge to his practice. He holds certifications as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® professional, a Certified Financial Planner® professional, and a Certified Divorce Coach® in addition to his mediation qualifications.